Waiting

Waiting.


We were talking about how beautiful this word is. Why do I even question this? How come I forgot how to be patient? I should be the one who already mastered it for a long time. Technically speaking, I'm being impatient in a certain matter nowadays. 


Good things come to for those who knows how to wait. This statement speaks generally. Applicable to all aspects of life. May it be for a job, for a package that comes from somewhere, a call from someone special, a schedule or appointment to meet an important client, and even about love.


Waiting exercises our patience. It enhances our faith. It helps us grow in love. It makes us strong. It cures our deepest wounds. It gives value to us. 


Now I should put a memo for myself and remind me again that everything has it's own time and season under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Random

What is this thing happening to me? I can't even concentrate. This emotion running through my head. I can't even-- 



Confusion is killing me badly. Someone hit me, please? Hihi (but not too hard). I can't express it in words. Well, to be honest, I can't right now. Why do these people keeps on bugging my peaceful thoughts? I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Like, seriously!!!


Pardon me for having this rant post. I just can't contain it at all.




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Now...

Physically tired. Dead tired if I may say. The past week was an extreme thing to consider. Yes, it was. Sorry if I wasn't able to update or post anything regarding my resignation, like the reason behind why I decided to quit my long term job. I know it's been three (3) deadly years being an online English teacher but I can share that during those span of time, I was able to experience growth in that awesome job. I mean, people not the place. It just so happen that I've reached the limit of not enjoying it at all. But even though I've reached that point already, it was still indeed fun being employed and be part of that company. I enjoy being with the people I'm with, met, became friends and co-workers. Then again, outside the university, there's more than that. More than learning, yet a scary place to be.

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What do I have if I don't have You, Jesus?

Just a humble heart, Lord. Just a humble heart. Nothing more, nothing less. I may look happy but right now, my heart is crying. Crying not because of sadness or pain, but because of joy that even my heart can’t contain at all. This is how grateful I am. The feeling you can’t even express well. Pardon me for having this angst flowing deep inside me but I just want to say, thank You Lord.

That roller coaster feeling..

That roller coaster feeling..
One moment you're happy, and in a second, you're devastated.
That feeling of excitement because of a certain thing then in a while you're depressed just because of an answer. 


Why am I not surprise after all? 
It's because I'm used to it. Anyways, I will not bother to think about that. AGAIN.


A/N
I supposed to write this down last Saturday but then, I don't have much time to open my computer so there..

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A souvenir of friendship :)



You see that panda? I remembrance from a good friend of mine (good nga ba? Lols.) Kidding! Love you, friend! She gave it to me last Monday. The reason for having a panda is because she can't think of anything to give to me, she thinks I'm not kikay or something so there. But I like this small memorabilia from her, many wants to have this but, naaahhhh! I will not give it to 'em. Lols. And now, it's currently hanging on my phone. :) 

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Since I can't take my power nap at this moment, lemme just write.
The feeling that you're talking but you know that no one is listening yet they know what's on your mind is a relief already. Your opening up to someone you don't see face to face. 


I wanted to close my eyes and travel in my dream 'cause I don't want to think of anything that keeps on disturbing me. Sleep, for me, is the only way I can escape the reality. I can dream and think of the impossible things that can't happen. And for a while, I will free from those sadness lingering deep down my thoughts. Yes, inside me. Sadly.

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A heart that seeks Your face.
A heart that is in tune to You.
A heart that joyfully do Your will.
A heart that surrenders. 
A heart that submits to Your command.
A heart that sings for You.
A heart that changes from glory to glory.
A heart that worships You in spirit and in truth.
A heart that is transformed by Your grace. 
A heart that diligently responds to Your call. 
A heart that patiently waits for You.


My prayer this morning. A few days ago, I shared some testimony to some young people. It tells about the heart of a servant. I don't have any idea, why did I come up with that certain thought but there's one thing I'm sure, this is what I need right now.


"..for the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7 

Note to self

Hello again.
I'm having this familiar feeling right now, so I decided not to let this slip away and write it down.
I dunno but there is something in me that wanted to speak up. I know it's weird, but i don't care. I want to write, that's all.


Earlier, I tweeted, "Remember, if your heart is not right, God will take that from you." A sentence that suddenly puffed into my mind and I saw my fingers typing it down (I sound crazy, right?), but anyways, here it goes..


Sometimes, I'm doing things because I have reasons for it, may it be something or someone. Until there would be a certain time that God will make me realize that I'm doing the task not because of Him but because of others. God said in Exodus 20:4-5, "I am a jealous God". He is jealous when someone gives to another something that rightly belongs to Him.


God just want a heart that is right, a heart that is in-tune for Him. So right now, i have to scratch those "unwanted" things in my mind and focus to what I should be doing.

God’s strength is best seen in our weakness


One of the ironies of faith is that God often chooses us to accomplish His most important tasks despite our imperfections, not because of our speaking ability, looks, or fitness for the task. When we find our strength in Him, He can use us in ways we could never imagine.  


Sometimes, I forgot that God is there and I am just wasting my energy doing all the things by myself and at the end of the day, I feel so tired and didn’t realize that God is the reason why I am there. God didn’t choose me because I’m good in this or in that but because He wanted to display how great and powerful He is and through Him I am able to finish everything. Thank You, Lord. Despite of my weaknesses and limitations, You have chosen me.  


But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

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Lesson learned

Rainy morning!


Striking ang mga words this morning. 

Now I really have to fix this attitude of mine when it comes to talking or speaking. Sometimes I don't think. Most of the time, I just express my feelings. Epic fail. 

Next time, I won't speak or say something or better yet change the topic. It's much safer than the usual. 
I'll choose to be quiet and and discreet, if ever.

This is so true. 
"Discretion of speech is better than eloquence with words."


"The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered." -Proverbs 17:27

PS:
My next entry is about the recent 3-day Youth Camp in Tagaytay. 
Sorry for the delay photos ain't posted yet. 

Another fail, I know.



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Tough..


This week is going to be tough for me. I can feel the burden of the upcoming days. Next week is our Youth Camp, I MUST PREPARE MYSELF physically, mentally and spiritually. I am not yet starting done with the task given to me for that 3-day event but I need to make it possible not just for myself but for those delegates who’ll come with us.
We are lacking of preparation, tbh. Programs ain’t polish yet even financial. Speaking of finances, we are still praying for that. But I know God has something in stored for the whole team, we just have to pray and do it with faith. 
This is the 3rd Youth Camp that I am joining in, and it left me a big responsibility to shoulder. Lord, I know you have a plan for this. I pray that you’ll use me mightily for Your glory alone. I need to focus and give the best of everything.

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Wari ko lamang


Mahirap maisa-titik ang mga bagay na bihira o minsanan mo lamang maramdaman at maranasan. Ni wala ka ngang maibulalas maging sa iyong sarili at ang iyong utak ay nagugulumihanan sa mga bagay at maging sa sitwasyong walang anyo gaya ng hangin, nararamdaman ngunit 'di nakikita ng iyong mga mata.


Nangungulila ako sa mga iilang taong kadalasan kong nakakadaupang-palad 'pag dating sa mga ganitong konsepto ng usapan; Ang pagsasalarawan ng aming mga damdamin.


Ang mga ganitong sandali ng aming pag-uusap ang minsan nagdudulot sa'king sarili na magsiyasat sa mga bagay-bagay na ni-minsa'y 'di sumagi sa aking isip. Sila ang mga taong nakakaunawa ng mga salitang hindi ko maipahayag sa iba. Konserbatibo man o liberal, bukas ang aming mga isipan na tanggapin ang opinyon ng bawat isa hanggang sa mauwi sa tawanan at imahinasyon. 


Nais kong magkaroon muli ng ganitong momento ang bawat isa sa'min sa gitna ng sagad-sagarang trabaho. 

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Bakit nga ba?


Kahapon may nabasa akong blog entry patungkol sa pagsusulat. May isang bahagi roon ng kanyang isinulat kung saan tinanong sya kung bakit ba sya nagsusulat. Sabi nya, nagsusulat sya pag masaya sya, pag nalulungkot sya, at lalo na pag inlove. Bakit nga ba ako nagsusulat? Bakit at para saan at kanino? Natawa ako sa mga salitang nabasa ko, ngunit ako'y sumasang-ayon dahil maging ako sa sarili ko ganun ko din sinimulan ang aking pagsusulat. Hindi ko rin naman maitatanggi na doon din ako kumukuha at humuhugot ng ideya at letra sa kung ano man ang aking nararamdaman.  


Tama naman diba? Halos lahat naman ata ng manunulat at ayon sa kanilang mga libro, kung hindi base sa kanilang karanasan, ay base naman sa kanilang pakiramdam at maging sa kanilang imahinasyon. 


Hindi ganoon kalawak ang aking imahinasyon kung saan kaya kong mag-isip ng mga bagay na gaya ng mga nauuso ngayong mga mahika at mga bampira kaya idadaan ko na lang sa emosyon at karanasan. 


Gusto kong magsulat dahil ito lamang ang paraan kung saan kaya kong ibahagi ang sarili ko, at kung ano man ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Minsan (o madalas pa nga) iba ang nakikita ng mga taong nakapaligid sa'kin at hindi nila inaakalang may ganito pala akong bahagi sa aking utak (maging ako, wala din akong ideya). Sa mga oras na ito habang ako'y nagsusulat, muli kong inaalala kung kelan ko ba nasimulan ang pagsusulat? Malaking bahagi nito ang isa sa mga kaibigan ko, sya ang nakapagpa-engganyo at nagbigay ng lakas ng loob sa'kin upang magsulat. Kung wala sya, marahil hindi ko pa din alam kung ano pwede kong maging hingahan sa tuwing napapaisip ako ng iba't-ibang bagay.

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Power of Your name

I was browsing some videos this morning and suddenly came up with this video. It was a song from Lincoln Brewster. Well, he's one of my favorite foreign Christian singer to the fact that he's really good in playing guitar (though, I'm not), I really do like his songs to be honest. He sang it together with Darlene Zschech (Hillsong)


This one is a song that wanted to reach people and let them know how great and good God is beyond everything. 


Mark 16:15 says, And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature."


Here's the lyrics:


Surely children weren't made for the streets
And fathers were not made to leave
Surely this isn't how it should be
Let Your Kingdom come

Surely nations were not made for war
Or the broken meant to be ignored
Surely this just can't be what You saw
Let Your Kingdom come
Here in my heart

And I will live
To carry *Your* compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name
**The power of Your name

Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead
Let Your Kingdom come
Lord break this heart

And I will live
To carry *Your* compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
Jesus Your name
Is a shelter for the hurting
and Your name
Is a refuge for the weak
Only Your name
Can redeem the undeserving
Jesus Your name
Holds everything I need

And I will live
To carry Your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see this world be changed
By the power of Your name

And I will live
To carry Your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name

The power of Your name...



Listen here


Building a life that matters 120510

It has been my routine to go read a Bible text message every morning, I just want to share this from my daily morning devotion from Our Daily Bread. 


"According to the grace of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation, and another builds on it. But let each one take heed how he builds on it."


-1 Corinthians 3:10


All of us needs direction, don't we? If we want to live a life according to God's plan and direction and make Him as our foundation, we must begin to follow His blueprint for living just like what Paul said in 1 Cor. 3:10, “Let each one take heed how he builds”. Let's take note how God wants us to live a life worthy of His Temple. 


1. Value others above yourself by humbly serving them (Phil. 2:3-4).
2. Give generously of your resources to those in need (James 2:14-17).
3. Respond with love to those who have wronged you (Rom. 12:14-21).


The Bible is the Christian’s blueprint for life.


Life is not made for regret. - Lincoln Brewster

S T O P

I learned that at a certain point, we must stop.


There are things that we need to stop doing or even thinking. We must accept the fact that things will not always stay the same. 


People change, so as their feelings.
Take note the irony, that the only constant thing n this world is CHANGE. 
Don't take things for granted, and learn to treasure them whether it's a thing or a person. No one knows what will happen.

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Again..

/le sigh
I really don't like it when someone is mad at me (not like holding a grudge towards me). He's not yet talking to me although he said that it's okay and he's fine however, he's not answering the messages I left. Not so used to it.


We always argue but nothing serious. 
We tease each other like siblings but this one's serious enough 'cause he's treating me in a cold way.


I can't think properly. I don't like this feeling. 
Yea, it's my fault that I've said those stuffs like that yesterday but I said 'sorry' already (Yea, I did. Believe it or not!)


/sobs


He's so mean. 
Like, seriously... 



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Suddenly..

I don't want to argue. Really. 
This temperament I have is so uncontrollable. Why did I even possess this attitude, anyway?


Frustrating. Like... UGH!! 


Self-control is what I needed RIGHT NOW! Gaaahhhhh..
But I should stay calm over this matter. Will not try that again. I SWEAAAARRR!!  

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twen-TEEN-four


I know this entry is so ages late, but lemme do it.


God gave me another year to celebrate. Another year, another chapter with these people. Surprises, hugs, and love.


A long week celebration of my twen-TEEN-fourth birthday (March 16-24). 
Chocolate Kiss (March 16)
Church (March 18)
At work and home (March 19 and 23-24)
Chili's restaurant (March 23)


Me and the girls arranged a date to had dinner in a restaurant somewhere in UP Diliman. We really wanted to try that place, and Chocolate Kiss is really a nice. Didn't expect it'll be my advance celebration with them 'cause we can't meet on the exact date of my birthday. It was really surprising and they even bought the restaurant's special cake --devil's cake--- and they sang a birthday song that made some of the guests there to stare at us. Lol.



On the exact date of my birthday, while I'm having my last morning class, my officemate called me and said that someone's looking for me. I was puzzled, thinking who might go in and look for me because I'm not expecting any one. I stand up and checked (though I'm still talking to my student), I saw a guy holding a bouquet of flowers and I was like, "WHO IS HE?". I really wanted to end my class as soon as possible to check it, but when I finished my class, my friend was the one who brought it to me. Of course, stunned and wondering  who will send me flowers? After a few minutes, I realized something... Prolly, Zhai and Selyn. XD And I was right!! Thanks girls. I love you! I called them immediately after I finished my lunch. It was really surprising.



On the 23rd of March, the day I officially celebrated my birthday with my family and friends. My traditional birthday blast with some of the people I love though time won't let me celebrate it at the exact day, and some people didn't make it that night but still full of blessings and love. JM came the next morning (Saturday). Had our never ending favorite PINOY HENYO competition. Thank you Lord! 




Carbo loaded ^^



Italian food all the way with my co-workers. Fun thrilling food adventure if I may say. :D We just wanna spend some time together so we decided to eat somewhere. We went through a lot of stores until we ended at Papa John's Pizza at Greenbelt 3, since I'm a huge fan of pizza so I agreed, too. 


The place was not that big but enough for them to entertain their guests. We went through a lot of discussion on what to order until we finalized it and decided to order a 15" Chicken Bacon Pizza (which I didn't imagine that it was sooooo big. XD), then we had our individual orders afterwards. A salad, Buffalo wings (sorry, wasn't able to take a shot of that), bread sticks, Carbonara and Arabiata Penne. We ate until our stomachs can't contained it at all. Lols. 


I will definitely try this again.

It takes time


I want to fly,
I want to cry,
But I don't want to try.
I'm afraid, I don't know why.
Things are not normal, 
Things are not the same,
I feel numb,
That's what I wish I am.
Silence for a while,
My mind is filled with sighs.
I know I can survive,
Patience, it takes time.


Posting it here 'cause it makes me remember my first ever written poem during my university time. An entry which is compulsory for us to do for our Literature class. I guess, I should thank my professor for letting us do it because it's sort of a memorabilia for me and my writing skill. Lols. 


P.S.
Don't ask why I have this theme for my entry. :D 

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Unplanned summer getaway (a late entry)

Summer is really here. Beach is one of the favorite destination of the many, whether for a tourist or for a local person. It includes travelling and adventure as well.  Just wanna share our (unexpected) beach trip somewhere in Nasugbu, Batangas. The place was not crowded because we're the only group of people who went there. It's a quiet and relaxing area, though. 


We went there at Sunday night after the church's night service, then went back to Manila the next afternoon. The trip was fun and we although some of us were pretty tired (you really can determine it, seriously!), but still we made the most out of our day. 

As we ended our (early) morning swimming, fixed ourselves and ate our breakfast, we went back to the seashore to walk around, but we failed because of too much heat, I took a snap shot of the beach and here's what I've got (the photo below), a perfect view of the sea and seems that the clouds were in the mood to made a beautiful scenario in front of my camera.
the beach
Had tons of photos from Faye's camera, too. Well, those were our silly shots. Hahaha!! We played, took videos and everything. Talk to some people who reside near the sea and all. 

After Batangas, we drove through Tagaytay. We went to Colossians Garden to take a look at our camp site for the upcoming Youth Summer Camp. The weather was nice so I had this one: 

Pretty, isn't it?



Decisions and Choices

Have you been in a situation where in you wanted to make a certain action yet you choose to be quiet? Sometimes, we lack courage --courage, that will unveil the truth-- to face what lies ahead of us. But then we still tried our best to escape from the things which we are fully aware, however, we don't want to admit it to ourselves. 


Facing this matter is hard for someone who doesn't want to cause trouble to other people so you just sit back there in the corner being ignored and wait. Wait until you're tired although you wanted to stop, but remind yourself that it's your choice so you don't have to regret the outcome of your decision. You decide to just stop and yet again, you can see own image insisting the other. 


Now, you're thinking again, listening to that small voice from the back of your head, "Is it worth waiting for or am I just imagining it?, or even this, "You're too dumb!". More often than not, you're just keeping it to yourself. Not insisting any random thoughts can make you feel worst.


Nevertheless, we make our choices and decisions. You just have to gather all the guts you have to survive the aftermath.   


Choosing not to decide is already a decision.


Do it and wait or regret it because you didn't even take the opportunity to learn something out from that experience? 


It's your choice, but be careful. Decide for the best.










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Love and Friendship over Ego


What will you choose between Friendship and Ego?


I wanted to choose ego sana, but then I realized that I shouldn't. Impulsive kasi ako minsan kaya hindi
ko alam kung anong gagawin. There were times na I'll just say what I want not thinking if it'll hurt the person or not. 


I had an argument with a friend yesterday morning (yes, my Monday started with a fight. Great. I'm such a fail, I know. ), and it wasn't really not the normal 'sagutan' or 'asaran' namin, but a serious argument that led us to not talk the day. Anger ate me, and I can say na 'di talaga maganda pakiramdam like I wanted to go home ASAP just to drift that off to sleep. Ayoko kasi na may nakakasamaan ng loob lalo na't close sa'kin dahil ang bigat sa pakiramdam. I wanted to keep what I've said yesterday that i will not do anything to fix that situation, pero mukhang hindi ako makakatulog ulit ng maayos mamayang gabi kung yun ang gagawin ko. 


I took a deep sigh and prayed. 


I know now what to do. 
It's to drop my ego and do something nice. Kailangang ayusin ang hindi magandang nangyari 'cause I wanted our friendship to survive. I don't want to risk that dahil lang sa non-sense argumentation. We're friends, so I have to do something about it. I love my friends. A LOT! So I'll make it up to her soon. 


"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17


How 'bout you, what will you choose?


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What is Humility?

HUMILITY is a quality or characteristic ascribed to a person who is considered to be humble. Humility is derived from the Latin word "humilis", which means low, humble, from earth. A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest.


Do you wish people to think well of you? Don't speak well of yourself. -Blaise Pascal
Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. -C.S Lewis


"Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips. -Proverbs 27:2

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Thoughts again...

This morning, Naiz tweeted something. The conversation goes like this:


Naiz: Don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing you'll always be there waiting.
Me: Why not?
Naiz: Because he will take you for granted and you'll end up getting hurt. Deym


She has a good point on that, but what if the person made you feel so special and even asked you to stay and (you think) both of you feels the same feelings? What will you do then? 


Ugh. Frustration overload. 








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Devotion 120222 Stop being a 'spiritual slacker'




‎"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." -James 4:17 (NLT)


When we know what God wants us to do, but then we refuse to obey, we’re ignoring the voice of the Lord, and sinfully choosing our way. -Sper


We may make excuses for not obeying God, but He still calls it disobedience. 


OBEDIENCE is the highest form of LOVE.

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Morning Devotion 120213


I had my little solitude time this morning. Though I don't have my Bible with me, but thanks to technology 'cause I can surf internet and browse the <a href="http://odb.org/">Our Daily Bread</a> website every morning. I started doing this for like maybe, last week. Reading verses helps me back on my feet and grew more spiritually. It sometimes (or often times bring me to tears just to realize how good is God in my life. These words make me walk on my path with faith and love. It helps me a lot as I start again the things I've lost for quite some time now. I've been loving the (Music) ministry where I belong, and I'll be forever grateful for that.


I want to share the verse I had today in Isaiah 55:9, the Lord says, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways." When we pray, we often wanted to have a fast and quick response from God. But we have to remember that God has His own time and way to answer us. And sometimes we got unanswered prayers. Well of course, all of us does, right? Just like Paul when he had his great struggle --the time that he was rejected by the Jews--that led his acceptance by the Gentiles. We just have to understand God's heart in the situation.


Whatever prayer we have in our hearts, let's hold on to what God is instore for us. Unanswered prayer brings us the profound difference between our perspective and God's.


"Prayer imparts the power to walk and not faint." -Chambers


My prayer this morning, "Lord, have Your way in us. Amen!"

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It's buggin' me inside

Confuse, that's how I am now.


Now I have to wear emotions like a shirt. I've experience pain, now I wanted to have with me the happiness. 


Don't stick TOO much to that thing you're wearing as of the moment. You need to be flexible and ready to embrace what's left behind in your closet. You gotta believe that there's more to this life and more to see than what is being laid there infront of your bare eyes. 


Brace yourself for the moment that can flip your world upside down. An experience that can make you go crazy until you realize it's over and done.


Analyze.
Think. 


You need to balance things from your surrounding and you can see the difference from the world where you're putting yourself up. 

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Incoherent mind is incoherent

Incoherent. A little. 
ADGASHDGHASDJHASDJAHSDJAJ


Wasn't really expecting to see that but it hurts.
I'm such a fail. 
But anyways, I'm just starting and I know I can cope up with this thing ASAP


My heart is beating so loud and i'm getting goosebumps (maybe just because of the cold wind)
I will not loose this battle.
All I have to do is change the way I should treat that person. That's it.
I'll wait until the day it's clear.


Heartache.
Spare me, please.


A sudden shock wave hit me without warning.


Okay, this is nonsense.
I should stop now.







Blurred


Love. 
What is love?


According to Wikipedia, "it is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection; and "the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another."  


Am I having this feeling AGAIN?
Or it's just inside my head? 
Can't express it though. 
I wanted to hear the exact words from him. 
I wanted to see things clearly and not just a blurry feeling that is being kept inside.


I don't even see or hear any clear actions and words..


Hey you! Yea you! 
When are you goin' to tell me how you feel?


A/N
Praying that this isn't as blurry as my eyesight.

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    Pastor's kid. Music is my passion, writing is my insanity. When time and space find me, you can see me and read my mind. Philosophy and thoughts will collide to fill me again. A servant and a leader in a form of an educator. Blogger and a music admirer. Belongs to 88-line. A seasonal critic. Politics isn't really my field but I can deal with it.

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