Kahapon may nabasa akong blog entry patungkol sa pagsusulat. May isang bahagi roon ng kanyang isinulat kung saan tinanong sya kung bakit ba sya nagsusulat. Sabi nya, nagsusulat sya pag masaya sya, pag nalulungkot sya, at lalo na pag inlove. Bakit nga ba ako nagsusulat? Bakit at para saan at kanino? Natawa ako sa mga salitang nabasa ko, ngunit ako'y sumasang-ayon dahil maging ako sa sarili ko ganun ko din sinimulan ang aking pagsusulat. Hindi ko rin naman maitatanggi na doon din ako kumukuha at humuhugot ng ideya at letra sa kung ano man ang aking nararamdaman.  


Tama naman diba? Halos lahat naman ata ng manunulat at ayon sa kanilang mga libro, kung hindi base sa kanilang karanasan, ay base naman sa kanilang pakiramdam at maging sa kanilang imahinasyon. 


Hindi ganoon kalawak ang aking imahinasyon kung saan kaya kong mag-isip ng mga bagay na gaya ng mga nauuso ngayong mga mahika at mga bampira kaya idadaan ko na lang sa emosyon at karanasan. 


Gusto kong magsulat dahil ito lamang ang paraan kung saan kaya kong ibahagi ang sarili ko, at kung ano man ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Minsan (o madalas pa nga) iba ang nakikita ng mga taong nakapaligid sa'kin at hindi nila inaakalang may ganito pala akong bahagi sa aking utak (maging ako, wala din akong ideya). Sa mga oras na ito habang ako'y nagsusulat, muli kong inaalala kung kelan ko ba nasimulan ang pagsusulat? Malaking bahagi nito ang isa sa mga kaibigan ko, sya ang nakapagpa-engganyo at nagbigay ng lakas ng loob sa'kin upang magsulat. Kung wala sya, marahil hindi ko pa din alam kung ano pwede kong maging hingahan sa tuwing napapaisip ako ng iba't-ibang bagay.

Have you been in a situation where in you wanted to make a certain action yet you choose to be quiet? Sometimes, we lack courage --courage, that will unveil the truth-- to face what lies ahead of us. But then we still tried our best to escape from the things which we are fully aware, however, we don't want to admit it to ourselves. 


Facing this matter is hard for someone who doesn't want to cause trouble to other people so you just sit back there in the corner being ignored and wait. Wait until you're tired although you wanted to stop, but remind yourself that it's your choice so you don't have to regret the outcome of your decision. You decide to just stop and yet again, you can see own image insisting the other. 


Now, you're thinking again, listening to that small voice from the back of your head, "Is it worth waiting for or am I just imagining it?, or even this, "You're too dumb!". More often than not, you're just keeping it to yourself. Not insisting any random thoughts can make you feel worst.


Nevertheless, we make our choices and decisions. You just have to gather all the guts you have to survive the aftermath.   


Choosing not to decide is already a decision.


Do it and wait or regret it because you didn't even take the opportunity to learn something out from that experience? 


It's your choice, but be careful. Decide for the best.

This morning, Naiz tweeted something. The conversation goes like this:


Naiz: Don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing you'll always be there waiting.
Me: Why not?
Naiz: Because he will take you for granted and you'll end up getting hurt. Deym


She has a good point on that, but what if the person made you feel so special and even asked you to stay and (you think) both of you feels the same feelings? What will you do then? 


Ugh. Frustration overload. 

Confuse, that's how I am now.


Now I have to wear emotions like a shirt. I've experience pain, now I wanted to have with me the happiness. 


Don't stick TOO much to that thing you're wearing as of the moment. You need to be flexible and ready to embrace what's left behind in your closet. You gotta believe that there's more to this life and more to see than what is being laid there infront of your bare eyes. 


Brace yourself for the moment that can flip your world upside down. An experience that can make you go crazy until you realize it's over and done.


Analyze.
Think. 


You need to balance things from your surrounding and you can see the difference from the world where you're putting yourself up. 

Love. 
What is love?


According to Wikipedia, "it is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection; and "the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another."  


Am I having this feeling AGAIN?
Or it's just inside my head? 
Can't express it though. 
I wanted to hear the exact words from him. 
I wanted to see things clearly and not just a blurry feeling that is being kept inside.


I don't even see or hear any clear actions and words..


Hey you! Yea you! 
When are you goin' to tell me how you feel?


A/N
Praying that this isn't as blurry as my eyesight.