That roller coaster feeling..
One moment you're happy, and in a second, you're devastated.
That feeling of excitement because of a certain thing then in a while you're depressed just because of an answer. 


Why am I not surprise after all? 
It's because I'm used to it. Anyways, I will not bother to think about that. AGAIN.


A/N
I supposed to write this down last Saturday but then, I don't have much time to open my computer so there..

Since I can't take my power nap at this moment, lemme just write.
The feeling that you're talking but you know that no one is listening yet they know what's on your mind is a relief already. Your opening up to someone you don't see face to face. 


I wanted to close my eyes and travel in my dream 'cause I don't want to think of anything that keeps on disturbing me. Sleep, for me, is the only way I can escape the reality. I can dream and think of the impossible things that can't happen. And for a while, I will free from those sadness lingering deep down my thoughts. Yes, inside me. Sadly.

A heart that seeks Your face.
A heart that is in tune to You.
A heart that joyfully do Your will.
A heart that surrenders. 
A heart that submits to Your command.
A heart that sings for You.
A heart that changes from glory to glory.
A heart that worships You in spirit and in truth.
A heart that is transformed by Your grace. 
A heart that diligently responds to Your call. 
A heart that patiently waits for You.


My prayer this morning. A few days ago, I shared some testimony to some young people. It tells about the heart of a servant. I don't have any idea, why did I come up with that certain thought but there's one thing I'm sure, this is what I need right now.


"..for the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7 

Hello again.
I'm having this familiar feeling right now, so I decided not to let this slip away and write it down.
I dunno but there is something in me that wanted to speak up. I know it's weird, but i don't care. I want to write, that's all.


Earlier, I tweeted, "Remember, if your heart is not right, God will take that from you." A sentence that suddenly puffed into my mind and I saw my fingers typing it down (I sound crazy, right?), but anyways, here it goes..


Sometimes, I'm doing things because I have reasons for it, may it be something or someone. Until there would be a certain time that God will make me realize that I'm doing the task not because of Him but because of others. God said in Exodus 20:4-5, "I am a jealous God". He is jealous when someone gives to another something that rightly belongs to Him.


God just want a heart that is right, a heart that is in-tune for Him. So right now, i have to scratch those "unwanted" things in my mind and focus to what I should be doing.

One of the ironies of faith is that God often chooses us to accomplish His most important tasks despite our imperfections, not because of our speaking ability, looks, or fitness for the task. When we find our strength in Him, He can use us in ways we could never imagine.  


Sometimes, I forgot that God is there and I am just wasting my energy doing all the things by myself and at the end of the day, I feel so tired and didn’t realize that God is the reason why I am there. God didn’t choose me because I’m good in this or in that but because He wanted to display how great and powerful He is and through Him I am able to finish everything. Thank You, Lord. Despite of my weaknesses and limitations, You have chosen me.  


But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

Rainy morning!

Mahirap maisa-titik ang mga bagay na bihira o minsanan mo lamang maramdaman at maranasan. Ni wala ka ngang maibulalas maging sa iyong sarili at ang iyong utak ay nagugulumihanan sa mga bagay at maging sa sitwasyong walang anyo gaya ng hangin, nararamdaman ngunit 'di nakikita ng iyong mga mata.


Nangungulila ako sa mga iilang taong kadalasan kong nakakadaupang-palad 'pag dating sa mga ganitong konsepto ng usapan; Ang pagsasalarawan ng aming mga damdamin.


Ang mga ganitong sandali ng aming pag-uusap ang minsan nagdudulot sa'king sarili na magsiyasat sa mga bagay-bagay na ni-minsa'y 'di sumagi sa aking isip. Sila ang mga taong nakakaunawa ng mga salitang hindi ko maipahayag sa iba. Konserbatibo man o liberal, bukas ang aming mga isipan na tanggapin ang opinyon ng bawat isa hanggang sa mauwi sa tawanan at imahinasyon. 


Nais kong magkaroon muli ng ganitong momento ang bawat isa sa'min sa gitna ng sagad-sagarang trabaho. 

Kahapon may nabasa akong blog entry patungkol sa pagsusulat. May isang bahagi roon ng kanyang isinulat kung saan tinanong sya kung bakit ba sya nagsusulat. Sabi nya, nagsusulat sya pag masaya sya, pag nalulungkot sya, at lalo na pag inlove. Bakit nga ba ako nagsusulat? Bakit at para saan at kanino? Natawa ako sa mga salitang nabasa ko, ngunit ako'y sumasang-ayon dahil maging ako sa sarili ko ganun ko din sinimulan ang aking pagsusulat. Hindi ko rin naman maitatanggi na doon din ako kumukuha at humuhugot ng ideya at letra sa kung ano man ang aking nararamdaman.  


Tama naman diba? Halos lahat naman ata ng manunulat at ayon sa kanilang mga libro, kung hindi base sa kanilang karanasan, ay base naman sa kanilang pakiramdam at maging sa kanilang imahinasyon. 


Hindi ganoon kalawak ang aking imahinasyon kung saan kaya kong mag-isip ng mga bagay na gaya ng mga nauuso ngayong mga mahika at mga bampira kaya idadaan ko na lang sa emosyon at karanasan. 


Gusto kong magsulat dahil ito lamang ang paraan kung saan kaya kong ibahagi ang sarili ko, at kung ano man ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Minsan (o madalas pa nga) iba ang nakikita ng mga taong nakapaligid sa'kin at hindi nila inaakalang may ganito pala akong bahagi sa aking utak (maging ako, wala din akong ideya). Sa mga oras na ito habang ako'y nagsusulat, muli kong inaalala kung kelan ko ba nasimulan ang pagsusulat? Malaking bahagi nito ang isa sa mga kaibigan ko, sya ang nakapagpa-engganyo at nagbigay ng lakas ng loob sa'kin upang magsulat. Kung wala sya, marahil hindi ko pa din alam kung ano pwede kong maging hingahan sa tuwing napapaisip ako ng iba't-ibang bagay.

I was browsing some videos this morning and suddenly came up with this video. It was a song from Lincoln Brewster. Well, he's one of my favorite foreign Christian singer to the fact that he's really good in playing guitar (though, I'm not), I really do like his songs to be honest. He sang it together with Darlene Zschech (Hillsong)


This one is a song that wanted to reach people and let them know how great and good God is beyond everything. 


Mark 16:15 says, And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature."


Here's the lyrics:


Surely children weren't made for the streets
And fathers were not made to leave
Surely this isn't how it should be
Let Your Kingdom come

Surely nations were not made for war
Or the broken meant to be ignored
Surely this just can't be what You saw
Let Your Kingdom come
Here in my heart

And I will live
To carry *Your* compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name
**The power of Your name

Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead
Let Your Kingdom come
Lord break this heart

And I will live
To carry *Your* compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
Jesus Your name
Is a shelter for the hurting
and Your name
Is a refuge for the weak
Only Your name
Can redeem the undeserving
Jesus Your name
Holds everything I need

And I will live
To carry Your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see this world be changed
By the power of Your name

And I will live
To carry Your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name

The power of Your name...


Listen here

It has been my routine to go read a Bible text message every morning, I just want to share this from my daily morning devotion from Our Daily Bread. 


"According to the grace of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation, and another builds on it. But let each one take heed how he builds on it."


-1 Corinthians 3:10


All of us needs direction, don't we? If we want to live a life according to God's plan and direction and make Him as our foundation, we must begin to follow His blueprint for living just like what Paul said in 1 Cor. 3:10, “Let each one take heed how he builds”. Let's take note how God wants us to live a life worthy of His Temple. 


1. Value others above yourself by humbly serving them (Phil. 2:3-4).
2. Give generously of your resources to those in need (James 2:14-17).
3. Respond with love to those who have wronged you (Rom. 12:14-21).


The Bible is the Christian’s blueprint for life.


Life is not made for regret. - Lincoln Brewster

I learned that at a certain point, we must stop.


There are things that we need to stop doing or even thinking. We must accept the fact that things will not always stay the same. 


People change, so as their feelings.
Take note the irony, that the only constant thing n this world is CHANGE. 
Don't take things for granted, and learn to treasure them whether it's a thing or a person. No one knows what will happen.

/le sigh
I really don't like it when someone is mad at me (not like holding a grudge towards me). He's not yet talking to me although he said that it's okay and he's fine however, he's not answering the messages I left. Not so used to it.


We always argue but nothing serious. 
We tease each other like siblings but this one's serious enough 'cause he's treating me in a cold way.


I can't think properly. I don't like this feeling. 
Yea, it's my fault that I've said those stuffs like that yesterday but I said 'sorry' already (Yea, I did. Believe it or not!)


/sobs


He's so mean. 
Like, seriously... 

I don't want to argue. Really. 
This temperament I have is so uncontrollable. Why did I even possess this attitude, anyway?


Frustrating. Like... UGH!! 


Self-control is what I needed RIGHT NOW! Gaaahhhhh..
But I should stay calm over this matter. Will not try that again. I SWEAAAARRR!!  

I know this entry is so ages late, but lemme do it.


God gave me another year to celebrate. Another year, another chapter with these people. Surprises, hugs, and love.


A long week celebration of my twen-TEEN-fourth birthday (March 16-24). 
Chocolate Kiss (March 16)
Church (March 18)
At work and home (March 19 and 23-24)
Chili's restaurant (March 23)


Me and the girls arranged a date to had dinner in a restaurant somewhere in UP Diliman. We really wanted to try that place, and Chocolate Kiss is really a nice. Didn't expect it'll be my advance celebration with them 'cause we can't meet on the exact date of my birthday. It was really surprising and they even bought the restaurant's special cake --devil's cake--- and they sang a birthday song that made some of the guests there to stare at us. Lol.

Summer is really here. Beach is one of the favorite destination of the many, whether for a tourist or for a local person. It includes travelling and adventure as well.  Just wanna share our (unexpected) beach trip somewhere in Nasugbu, Batangas. The place was not crowded because we're the only group of people who went there. It's a quiet and relaxing area, though. 

the beach

Have you been in a situation where in you wanted to make a certain action yet you choose to be quiet? Sometimes, we lack courage --courage, that will unveil the truth-- to face what lies ahead of us. But then we still tried our best to escape from the things which we are fully aware, however, we don't want to admit it to ourselves. 


Facing this matter is hard for someone who doesn't want to cause trouble to other people so you just sit back there in the corner being ignored and wait. Wait until you're tired although you wanted to stop, but remind yourself that it's your choice so you don't have to regret the outcome of your decision. You decide to just stop and yet again, you can see own image insisting the other. 


Now, you're thinking again, listening to that small voice from the back of your head, "Is it worth waiting for or am I just imagining it?, or even this, "You're too dumb!". More often than not, you're just keeping it to yourself. Not insisting any random thoughts can make you feel worst.


Nevertheless, we make our choices and decisions. You just have to gather all the guts you have to survive the aftermath.   


Choosing not to decide is already a decision.


Do it and wait or regret it because you didn't even take the opportunity to learn something out from that experience? 


It's your choice, but be careful. Decide for the best.