Waiting.


We were talking about how beautiful this word is. Why do I even question this? How come I forgot how to be patient? I should be the one who already mastered it for a long time. Technically speaking, I'm being impatient in a certain matter nowadays. 


Good things come to for those who knows how to wait. This statement speaks generally. Applicable to all aspects of life. May it be for a job, for a package that comes from somewhere, a call from someone special, a schedule or appointment to meet an important client, and even about love.


Waiting exercises our patience. It enhances our faith. It helps us grow in love. It makes us strong. It cures our deepest wounds. It gives value to us. 


Now I should put a memo for myself and remind me again that everything has it's own time and season under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

What is this thing happening to me? I can't even concentrate. This emotion running through my head. I can't even-- 



Confusion is killing me badly. Someone hit me, please? Hihi (but not too hard). I can't express it in words. Well, to be honest, I can't right now. Why do these people keeps on bugging my peaceful thoughts? I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Like, seriously!!!


Pardon me for having this rant post. I just can't contain it at all.

Physically tired. Dead tired if I may say. The past week was an extreme thing to consider. Yes, it was. Sorry if I wasn't able to update or post anything regarding my resignation, like the reason behind why I decided to quit my long term job. I know it's been three (3) deadly years being an online English teacher but I can share that during those span of time, I was able to experience growth in that awesome job. I mean, people not the place. It just so happen that I've reached the limit of not enjoying it at all. But even though I've reached that point already, it was still indeed fun being employed and be part of that company. I enjoy being with the people I'm with, met, became friends and co-workers. Then again, outside the university, there's more than that. More than learning, yet a scary place to be.

Just a humble heart, Lord. Just a humble heart. Nothing more, nothing less. I may look happy but right now, my heart is crying. Crying not because of sadness or pain, but because of joy that even my heart can’t contain at all. This is how grateful I am. The feeling you can’t even express well. Pardon me for having this angst flowing deep inside me but I just want to say, thank You Lord.

That roller coaster feeling..
One moment you're happy, and in a second, you're devastated.
That feeling of excitement because of a certain thing then in a while you're depressed just because of an answer. 


Why am I not surprise after all? 
It's because I'm used to it. Anyways, I will not bother to think about that. AGAIN.


A/N
I supposed to write this down last Saturday but then, I don't have much time to open my computer so there..

Since I can't take my power nap at this moment, lemme just write.
The feeling that you're talking but you know that no one is listening yet they know what's on your mind is a relief already. Your opening up to someone you don't see face to face. 


I wanted to close my eyes and travel in my dream 'cause I don't want to think of anything that keeps on disturbing me. Sleep, for me, is the only way I can escape the reality. I can dream and think of the impossible things that can't happen. And for a while, I will free from those sadness lingering deep down my thoughts. Yes, inside me. Sadly.

A heart that seeks Your face.
A heart that is in tune to You.
A heart that joyfully do Your will.
A heart that surrenders. 
A heart that submits to Your command.
A heart that sings for You.
A heart that changes from glory to glory.
A heart that worships You in spirit and in truth.
A heart that is transformed by Your grace. 
A heart that diligently responds to Your call. 
A heart that patiently waits for You.


My prayer this morning. A few days ago, I shared some testimony to some young people. It tells about the heart of a servant. I don't have any idea, why did I come up with that certain thought but there's one thing I'm sure, this is what I need right now.


"..for the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7 

Hello again.
I'm having this familiar feeling right now, so I decided not to let this slip away and write it down.
I dunno but there is something in me that wanted to speak up. I know it's weird, but i don't care. I want to write, that's all.


Earlier, I tweeted, "Remember, if your heart is not right, God will take that from you." A sentence that suddenly puffed into my mind and I saw my fingers typing it down (I sound crazy, right?), but anyways, here it goes..


Sometimes, I'm doing things because I have reasons for it, may it be something or someone. Until there would be a certain time that God will make me realize that I'm doing the task not because of Him but because of others. God said in Exodus 20:4-5, "I am a jealous God". He is jealous when someone gives to another something that rightly belongs to Him.


God just want a heart that is right, a heart that is in-tune for Him. So right now, i have to scratch those "unwanted" things in my mind and focus to what I should be doing.

One of the ironies of faith is that God often chooses us to accomplish His most important tasks despite our imperfections, not because of our speaking ability, looks, or fitness for the task. When we find our strength in Him, He can use us in ways we could never imagine.  


Sometimes, I forgot that God is there and I am just wasting my energy doing all the things by myself and at the end of the day, I feel so tired and didn’t realize that God is the reason why I am there. God didn’t choose me because I’m good in this or in that but because He wanted to display how great and powerful He is and through Him I am able to finish everything. Thank You, Lord. Despite of my weaknesses and limitations, You have chosen me.  


But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

Rainy morning!